Nothing Ventured, Nothing Gained
by tankgirl23
Summary: He knows better than to blindly enter a sleeping monster's den, but sometimes Izaya is just too damn curious for his own good. Sequel of sorts to TMI.
1. Everything is Tsukumoya's Fault

Proverb time again! 虎穴に入らずんば虎子を得ず(koketsu ni hairazunba koji o ezu) nothing ventured, nothing gained; no reward without risk. Literally, it means 'if you do not enter the tiger's cave, you cannot get its cubs' ( ͡͡ ° ͜ ʖ ͡ °)

* * *

A bit reluctantly, he admitted he hadn't really thought this through.

Running a hand tiredly through his dark locks, Orihara Izaya stared up at the apartment complex towering before him. Almost all the windows were dark, but Izaya still knew exactly which one was his target. Chewing his lip thoughtfully, he contemplated if he should just go the fuck home and get some rest. Being up for almost two straight days had been bound to bite him in the ass, so maybe that was the reason Tsukumoya's words had affected him so easily.

Starting to come down from his angry, mostly exercise-induced high (he _had_ just power-walked all the way from Shinjuku since the trains weren't running this early in the morning) a creeping feeling of slight embarrassment began to crawl over him.

"What the hell am I even doing. I must really be losing my mind. Fucking Tsukumoya..." he snapped out to the quietly sleeping city. His eyes narrowed as he thought about their discussion in the chat room.

[ _I have access to an information network the likes of which you could only dream of_ ]

Pssh, yeah right. What the hell kind of network was he running that he knew how people looked naked? That didn't even make sense! Then again, Izaya had just spent over an hour walking - and to do what exactly? Actually find out the beast's penis size somehow? Prove a point? Something else entirely?

The last thought had him shivering, despite the humid summer night air enveloping him.

It was almost 4 in the morning. He had already wasted his time walking here, he thought with a resigned sigh. Might as well get something out of it. At least then, maybe he'd have some sort of gloating rights over that bastard Tsukumoya.

"Well then, how should I go about this...?"

He could just walk up to his door and knock, but that would have been absolutely tactless. Waking a sleeping brute who was prone to violent fits of anger definitely wasn't going to work. Still, imagining a sleepy Shizuo answering his door and seeing the shock on his face when he realized it was Izaya was a very tempting thought. Perhaps he could do with an early morning run.

"Shizu-chan would probably just slam the door in my face, though. And I came here with a purpose. A very stupid purpose, but a purpose nonetheless."

There was the window. It would have been easy enough to use his parkour skills to scale the few floors. However, there was a possibility that it could be locked from the inside, which would make for a rather precarious situation.

No. He'd have to be covert about this. What better way to do that than by breaking in quietly from the front door?

With a shrug and an admittedly loose plan that was bound to fall apart at the seams, Izaya made his way up the few flights of stairs to the floor Shizuo lived on.

Picking the lock was easy enough – hell, he hadn't even needed to make a makeshift key. It was a fairly older apartment complex after all. With a slide of a carefully placed credit card and a soft click, the door swung open. There was a slight creak from the rusty hinges, and Izaya paused with baited breath, listening intently for any signs the blonde might be awake. Not hearing a sound, Izaya crept in cautiously and slowly closed the door behind him, cringing as the hinges groaned again. Slipping off his shoes, he padded to the middle of what appeared to be the main living room.

Blinking a bit to let his eyes readjust to the dark interior, he observed his surroundings. Although he knew where the beast lived, he'd never actually been inside his apartment before. It was small, probably only a one bedroom. There was a worn down looking couch and some chairs, a coffee table, and...not much else. As he'd guessed, Shizuo's temper kept him from spending money on possible triggers such as TVs and computers. That and he probably was too poor to afford such luxuries, Izaya thought with a snort.

The walls had a few messily arranged family photos – mostly of a brunette Shizuo and Kasuka as children – but were otherwise bare. Despite the room's slightly shabby appearance and a few crumpled articles of clothing, everything was neat and tidy. He scoffed at a Hanejima Yuuhei movie poster that hung over what appeared to be a small bookshelf. Upon closer inspection, there was actually a generous amount of books lining the dusty shelves.

 _The protozoan can read? Could have fooled me._

The informant frowned. Expecting something more along the lines of a dirty, swamp-like interior that was befitting of a beast, he was highly disappointed. It was surprisingly mundane.

 _How boring. If I didn't know any better, I'd say Shizu-chan was getting pretty good at acting like a human._

Although the thought was tempting to do a bit of snooping around (and rearranging the photos to piss off the blonde was something he was practically itching to do), he knew he should probably stay focused on the task at hand and set towards finding the bedroom.

The living room led to an adjoining kitchen, so the only option was to venture down a small hallway in the other direction. There were three doors in the hallway, but the first was already open to reveal an incredibly tiny bathroom. If he could have, Izaya would have laughed out loud as he imagined the over 6ft blonde having to duck just to use the shower everyday. Japan really was a bad country for housing monsters. Holding his hand over his mouth to suppress the snicker that threatened to tumble out, Izaya moved towards the second closed door. It was a bit larger than the one across from it, so Izaya guessed the other was probably a closet.

This was it. He hoped Shizuo was a fairly deep sleeper as he slid the door open. Fortunately for him, it wasn't a western style door or the creaking of hinges so close to the sleeping man would have woken him for sure. Still, the mechanism squeaked slightly on its tracks, and Izaya swore he felt his heart stop for a moment.

But no. There the beast was, nestled on a surprisingly large bed in the far corner of the room ( _probably the only thing he'd really invested money in_ ) sound asleep and snoring softly. His feet stuck out from under a sheet that was twisted awkwardly around him, apparently having become tangled as he slept.

As Izaya crept closer, he was delighted to see that the man was a back sleeper. Which honestly, he hadn't even considered what he would have done if he _wasn't_ before he decided to just act on a fucking whim in the middle of the night for no good, discernible reason, but Izaya figured he'd tuck away that particularly frightening thought for another time.

Because there was just something incredibly enticing about seeing your enemy completely vulnerable and basically being offered to you on a silver platter.

With a few short strides, he was beside the bed, glowering down at the unconscious blonde.

 _Aren't so tough now, are you, Shizu-chan?_

He leaned over to peer at the man's face, whose eyebrows were scrunched up as if he was dreaming about something rather distasteful. As Izaya drew nearer, he remembered that the brute had a keen sense of smell. The informant froze as Shizuo murmured something indiscernible, but his eyes didn't open. Instead he merely shifted slightly so that the sheet moved a bit down his torso, one arm coming up to lay beside his head. Cheeks warming, Izaya got a peek of the smooth, pale chest underneath. He wasn't wearing a shirt.

It shouldn't have seemed that strange, especially since Izaya had a habit of sleeping in the nude himself, but for some reason he had this image in his head that Shizuo slept in his bartender getup. Which was ridiculous now that he thought about it, but it had been years since he'd seen him wear anything else. And he most surely had never seen him half-naked before, not even in the changing room during their high school years. Shizuo was the type of guy who dressed awkwardly behind the closed doors of bathrooms (something Izaya had consistently teased him about every chance he got, of course), always one to remove himself quietly from prying eyes, but still managing to make a public mockery of himself some way or other.

Izaya had never really noticed before, but even he had to admit Heiwajima Shizuo was a handsome man. The soft light of the descending moon came through the cracks of the curtain-less blinds of the window, illuminating the toned body and highlighting his ridiculously bleached blonde head. Without his glasses on, he looked frighteningly normal. Eyebrows suddenly relaxing, the expression on the blonde's face became lax, and Izaya watched the slow rise of his chest carefully, indicating a peaceful slumber. It was almost ethereal.

Izaya shook his head of the intrusively weird thoughts. There was no need to make this any more awkward than it already was.

But honestly, was there really any way to justify what _wasn't_ awkward about the situation? Now that he was at the task at hand, Izaya began to feel doubt creeping into his mind. What the hell was wrong with him? Shizuo was there - completely oblivious to his presence and unguarded - and he felt nothing but hesitation. All the times he thought about playing pranks on the blonde while he slept came to him, but the urge to do any of it was gone. The more he stood there and stared, the more ridiculous he felt. All of this was completely absurd, and how in the world was he even going to get a peek at the mysterious organ without waking the man?

This was so fucking stupid and it was all 100% , without a doubt, Tsukumoya Shinichi's fault. Completely and utterly. He knew that Izaya couldn't help himself when it came to collecting information he absolutely needed to know! If he had just told him, he wouldn't have even been there; at some ungodly hour in the middle of the night and hovering stupidly over the inert form of his possibly naked enemy. Izaya was determined to make that man pay someday, one way or another, but until then he'd be satisfied by knowing more than him for once.

Izaya puffed out his cheeks in quiet indignation and reached to slowly peel back that awful sheet before he lost his nerve. He let out a breath he didn't know he'd been holding when it came down without so much as a noise from the blonde, revealing (and he didn't know why he was relieved because this just made everything ten times harder) that the man wasn't completely nude, but wearing a pair of loose sweatpants. They were pulled down somewhat and the waistband of boxers peeked out at him mockingly.

Fuck. He was going to have to get his hands a little dirty for this. Considering the way he always avoided getting directly involved in anything, this breached basically all that the informant stood for. Why did he always find himself making an exception for this man who made his blood boil with his very presence?

Slipping off his jacket and letting it crumple onto the hardwood floor, (because was it just him or was Shizuo's apartment suddenly unbearably _warm_ ) Izaya experimentally shifted his weight onto the mattress by pressing a hand into the cushy material, dangerously close to Shizuo's thigh.

No reaction. The brute really was a heavy sleeper. Luckily, Izaya didn't weigh too much more than that. It was a bit awkward of a maneuver, but he managed to crawl onto the bed and over the sprawled limbs by carefully distributing his weight as evenly as possible so as not to disturb the sleeping man. It wasn't until he had lifted a leg over the blonde's body, effectively straddling him on his hands and knees, that he realized how risque the position really was.

 _Ah...of course it's suggestive. I'm trying to pull his pants off, after all._

Trying to convince himself of how naturally, it was only because of a curiosity,and not because of some sort of misplaced suspension bridge effect, he reached one hand out to gently touch the blonde's warm chest. With the slow beating of the beast's heart thrumming against his fingertips, he tested for any kind of sensitivity that might rouse him from his slumber by caressing the area. Shizuo's head rolled slightly to the side and he gave a quiet, breathy sigh which Izaya almost voiced an exclamation in surprise at. He was bracing to run, but there was no further movement.

Feeling a tingle of excitement run up his spine, that noise had certainly had a curious effect on him. He sort of...wanted to hear it again. Heart pounding, blood thumping in his ears, he tried to swallow the lump forming in his throat. The air conditioning must really have been broken – it was absolutely _scorching_.

He really didn't have to test further because it seemed like Shizuo slept like a dead man, and he didn't know what possessed him to do what he did next, but before he could stop himself he was already trailing a finger down slowly across the blonde's chest and to his stomach. Not so much as a peep. Hmm. Watching the brute's face intently, a wicked idea came to him and he smirked widely. Moving his hand so that it was near the blonde's face, he stuck a finger in his slightly parted mouth, hooking into his lower lip. Shizuo grumbled, eyebrows scrunching again, and the hand near his head came to swat at Izaya's arm as if he was aware of the pesky insect there. Izaya dodged it easily, and it took all his willpower to keep from breaking into hysterical laughter when Shizuo ended up hitting himself in the face instead. That had been a blindingly stupid move – something like that would have easily woken up most people. But sometimes, Izaya just really, really couldn't help himself.

Amusement racing through him, he still wanted to hear some more interesting noises. Waiting a few moments just in case the combination of the movements started to wake him, Izaya eventually reached his hand back out, using the slightly damp finger to trace lightly against one of the blonde's nipples. He thought for sure the man would at least sigh again, but he was completely silent, the sound of his steady breathing and Izaya's quickening breaths being the only noise in the room. Frustrated by the lack of any sort of response this time, he did something even _stupider_ and tweaked the nipple angrily, smirking when the blonde's expression became troubled and he even arched up into the touch, whimpering softly. Just then Shizuo shifted his legs to spread them slightly and Izaya panicked, moving his own legs wider to avoid coming into contact with the limbs.

The close call had him rethinking what exactly he had really come here for. As if coming to measure another man's penis while he slept wasn't gay enough, he'd just had to go and turn it up a notch on the queer level by playing with his enemy's nipples. There was no way this was going to end well.

Getting a bit more of a grasp on the situation at hand, Izaya decided he had wasted enough time and gripped the hem of the blonde's sweatpants before his hands wandered off to do even more obscene things. Tugging slowly, the material slipped down rather easily. It's not like he had to pull them all the way off, anyway, just enough so he could...observe. Shizuo snored loudly for a moment, and Izaya almost fell off the bed, heart beating rapidly to the point he thought he was going into cardiac arrest.

 _This beast is always trying to kill me, even when he's unconscious._

With the pants successfully bunched down to the brute's thighs, another chilling thought Izaya hadn't considered made itself known. Was Tsukumoya's supposed information based on flaccid size, or...

Oh, fuck. Oh no. Izaya felt like crying. Tweaking a nipple for some fun was one thing, but completely arousing his enemy while he slept was just...Well, it didn't sound as repulsive as he thought it would, and really, that was bothering him so, so much more.

 _Focus, focus, just get the boxers down first, and you can figure out where to go from there._

Palms sweating heavily, he moved his hands to the waistband of Shizuo's boxers. Fingers tightening around the edges of the silky material, he hovered over the prone form nervously.

 _This is for an important cause. I can't back out now._

In his hesitation, he failed to notice the gradual change in Shizuo's even breathing. He had just been about to close his eyes and pull, when strong, warm fingers encircled his right wrist.

Izaya froze as he looked up and saw amber eyes looking back at him groggily. If only Izaya hadn't felt the need to play around by touching Shizuo so much, he may have been able to avoid the incidents that followed which could only be described best with the words 'a series of increasingly unfortunate and fucked up events'. Instead, he could only stare in silent horror as Shizuo used his free hand to rub his eyes furiously – he had to have been dreaming, he could have sworn he saw the flea _in his bed_ \- and then as they opened wide in sudden recognition.

"...Good morning, Shizu-chan. Did you sleep well?"

* * *

Izaya fucking walked all the way to Ikebukuro lmao. He could have taken a cab, but I guess he didn't want to leave any witnesses behind, you know? Or something stupid like that.

Anyway, I've written like 95% of this already for once, so I promise you the next update will be very, very soon.


	2. Molestation is Bad Mmmkay

There was an angry growl and a sharp tug, and the next thing Izaya knew he was being rolled onto his back and pushed roughly into the mattress beneath him. Shizuo leered above him as his hands pinned the informant's arms to his side, and although he still looked slightly out of it, rage was very apparent on his face. Legs spread wide, the beast's knee was dangerously close to his crotch. Shizuo's pants were still down around his thighs and Izaya gulped nervously at the uncomfortable position.

"What. The. Fuck. Are. You. Doing. Here." The blonde hissed out in a strained voice between gritted teeth, emphasizing each word with applied pressure to Izaya's scrawny ass arms. He'd have bruises for sure later, but Izaya was just grateful he was on a mattress rather than a hard surface.

"Okay, I know this _seems_ bad, but it isn't what it looks like, I promise you."

Izaya had the sinking feeling he was digging his own grave.

"Oh, really? Cause it _looks_ a lot like you broke into my apartment in the middle of the night to attack me in my sleep!"

Oh. He had almost forgotten how brilliantly dense Shizuo could be. He hadn't even noticed his pants were down.

"I...Yes. Yes, that's exactly it - you got me. Guess I can't do that anymore. You know, element of surprise is everything, after all. Since this isn't going to work, you should probably just let me go."

Shizuo furrowed his brow in confusion. The flea was talking almost too fast for him to keep up.

"What? Why the hell would I do that? I _should_ beat the shit out of you right here!"

Izaya prayed to the god he didn't believe in that Shizuo was extra stupid when he was tired. _Time to see if reverse psychology has any real merit._

"Yeah, you know, you really should. All in all, that seems fair."

Okay, so he probably shouldn't have been so eager to agree with that statement. Judging from the slight light coming from behind the cracks of the closed blinds, dawn was approaching fast now. Izaya could just barely make out the expression of Shizuo frowning down at him and his heart fluttered rapidly in his chest again. An image flashed in his memory of staring at the blonde's admirable form in the moonlight, intrusive and sure as hell not welcome during such close contact.

"You...want me to beat you up?" Shizuo raised an eyebrow, curiosity edged in his voice.

"Well, I don't really _want_ you to, but I know it's probably unrealistic for me to think I could get out of this one unscathed. Wow, I really didn't think this through, did I?"

Shizuo squinted suspiciously down at him.

"You're acting...funny."

"Am I? You're probably just dreaming then."

Izaya didn't know what his end game was here, but so far nothing was really going as planned so thought he might as well just roll with it. Shizuo leaned back and actually released one of Izaya's wrists so he could pinch his own bare arm. Watching as a dark red welt appeared on the pale skin, he blinked a few times. Nope. It appeared he still had a very bad bedbug infestation.

"Naw, I'm pretty sure I'm awake. They say you can't feel pain or whatever when you're sleeping."

It seemed like confusion had calmed the blonde down enough to begin to assess the situation. _Fuck._

"Then it's definitely because you're just stupid." Why, oh why, had he said that?

"You're a fucking pest, you know that?" The voice held malice, but there wasn't a hint of anger in the tone. Yawning rather loudly, Shizuo released Izaya's other wrist and sat back on his legs.

"It's your lucky day, Flea. I'm too tired to deal with this bullshit. So get the fuck out before I change my mind."

Holy shit, he _was_ just going to let him go? Izaya stared up at the blonde in surprise.

 _Either reverse psychology is real, or you're just being an unpredictable brute as always._

 _….I honestly don't know which is right._

So, why was his body suddenly refusing to move? Oh no. Curiosity welling up within him, Izaya realized he still wanted to know more than ever now.

 _I didn't come all this way for nothing. This is my only chance. Even Shizu-chan's not stupid enough to keep the same locks after this._

Shizuo made a move to get up, intending to grab a cigarette before heading back to bed. This pest was always stressing him out, now even when he was trying to sleep. He groaned at the thought of how he was going to have to invest in a better security system, not to mention it was going to take at least a few days to air out the awful flea stench from his apartment.

As he stood, he felt anger rising within him as the asshole was just sitting there, staring at him like an idiot.

"What the fuck are you waiting for, an invitation? Get your smarmy ass out of my be - What the hell?"

Ah, he'd finally noticed his pants were down. Izaya realized his one opportunity to escape had just coasted away and indeed he'd just sat there dumbly, letting it happen all in the name of this stupid piece of information he needed. The informant considered that maybe he needed to look into getting some better hobbies after this.

Shizuo's cheeks burned pink as he stood there, staring dumb founded down at himself. He shot Izaya a disgusted look as he pulled his pants up hurriedly. The informant giggled at the blonde's sudden concern for his modesty.

"Alright, you know what, you fucking tick? I changed my mind. You're going to explain exactly what the fuck you were you doing before I woke up, and then I am most definitely going to beat you into a bloody pulp. And that's if I'm feeling generous. "

Izaya rolled to his side, stretching out happily on the bed as he propped a hand leisurely to hold his head. A shit-eating grin filled his face.

"I told you, it's not what it looks like."

Pulling a cigarette from the crumpled pack off his dresser table, Shizuo lit it and took a long, deep drag, nicotine coursing through him and leaving a pleasant buzz behind, making the situation just a tiny bit more bearable. He pulled the cancer stick from his lips and promptly bent down to blow a wafting cloud of smoke directly into Izaya's stupid face. Instantly soothed by the scene of the dark haired man falling onto his back into a violent coughing fit, Shizuo sat on the edge of the bed.

"You sick fuck. The fuck you mean, 'It's not what it looks like'? Sorry, I can't think of any good reason for you to be pulling my pants down while I was fucking unconscious." Taking another drag, Shizuo ran a hand through his rumpled hair and sighed.

"I'll give you one more chance to explain before I start throwing punches. You have until I finish this cigarette, which really isn't long cause dealing with you stresses me the fuck out. And quit being so dramatic, it's just a little smoke." Shizuo had glanced to look at him as the wheezing continued, and turned to see the man was writhing on his back, tears in his half closed eyes.

"Ack...ow, Shizu-chan's _so mean_ ," he spluttered out in between hacks. "You...you forget the fact I don't...blech...brutalize my lungs on a daily basis like a certain idiot I know."

Seemingly forgetting his own warning, Shizuo grabbed the dark haired man roughly by the shirt and pulled him up so they were face to face.

"You little shit!" The blonde was tempted to blow more smoke at the pest, but then they'd never get anywhere. White knuckles gripping the material, he resisted the urge to smash his irritating face in.

"Tell me what the fuck you were really doing before I woke up, or so help me I will - "

At that moment, Izaya coughed violently – and whether it was a cough he had embellished to purposefully be more revolting or completely fake, Shizuo would probably never know for sure – but it was enough to get the brute to drop him unceremoniously onto the floor, scrunching his face in disgust. Izaya began to laugh as hysterically as he could in between hacking out his lungs. Shizuo pinched the bridge of his nose.

"God damn it. Why does shit like this always happen to me. I just want to live a peaceful life, is that too much to ask for?"

He gave a glare upwards, smoke curling lazily to the ceiling, as if daring some god to answer him back with a ' _why yes, Shizuo, yes it is, and that is why I enjoy seeing you suffer_ '.

From his position on the floor, Izaya was too focused on the aching in his chest and curling into himself in between painful breaths and maniacal laughs to hear the sound of heavy footsteps indicating Shizuo leaving the room. The next thing he knew, he was opening his eyes to a glass of water being shoved into his face.

"Here. Drink this, it'll help."

Izaya spluttered out another cough and looked at him wide-eyed, moving to sit up. He reached for the glass, but his hand hesitated, choosing to hover midair stupidly.

 _Why is he suddenly acting so calm? He must really be tired. Ah, I can probably take advantage of this in some way._

"Just take the god damn cup before I decide to throw the water in your face, Flea."

Izaya took it and happily gulped down the cold liquid. He smiled a toothy grin up at Shizuo as he felt the burning in his throat finally recede, his coughs subsiding after a few moments. Panting lightly, he placed the empty glass on the floor and sat up cross legged.

"Well, well, I didn't know you cared, Shizu-chan." Shizuo turned his head to the side in a huff, but there was no hiding the faint dusting of pink on his cheeks.

"Tch. I don't. I just want to know what the fuck this is all about so I can just go the hell back to sleep already."

Shizuo sat down on the bed again, stubbing out his finished cigarette on a nearby ashtray and regretting for a moment that he didn't put it out on Izaya instead. He crossed his arms and scowled down at the informant.

"So? I'm waiting."

Rearranging his legs to sit back in a seiza position below the blonde, he was eye level with the monster's crotch. Grinning a cheshire smile, Izaya cocked his head up at him innocently. Shizuo shifted awkwardly. No matter how he looked at it, the position was unnervingly suggestive.

 _[No, I was thinking more along the lines of using less words and focusing on actions – you know, persuasion of the body, that sort of thing. He's much like an animal, so I'd have to appeal to that animalistic side, you know?]_

His own words from the chat room came back to haunt him, and Izaya thought, fuck it. What the hell could it hurt to try?

"I was merely...curious," Izaya said simply, and feeling bold, he reached a hand up to rest on the blonde's thigh. Well, it wasn't entirely a lie. Shizuo sweatdropped at the warmth that spread from the touch, body tensing.

"You...were curious," he managed to repeat back, lifting an eyebrow questioningly.

"Mmm, yes," Izaya purred out, tilting his head back to leer at Shizuo lasciviously from underneath fluttering eyelashes. "Hasn't Shizu-chan ever been...curious?"

Feeling like his mouth was stuffed with cotton, Shizuo managed to mutter out as his eyes narrowed, "Depends. What exactly were you curious about..?" Considering the vermin had pulled his pants down earlier, Shizuo had a sinking feeling he already knew the answer. _Dear god no. Why is this happening._

Izaya chuckled and brought his free hand up to press a finger against pursed lips in a flirtatious manner similar to that of a teen-aged school girl. Shizuo found that particular image more than a little disturbing.

"I think even Shizu-chan can figure that one out, ne?" Could the asshole read minds now?

Shizuo's mouth gaped open in shock as Izaya's fingers began to trace light patterns over the material of his pants softly. The wandering fingers moved farther up, crawling towards a particularly sensitive destination. Panicking slightly, he smacked the hand away.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing." Shizuo swallowed hard, but his throat was suddenly made of sandpaper.

"No need to be shy, Shizu-chan," Izaya said slowly, drawling his words, smooth as honey. He moved so he was kneeling, leaning in and reaching both hands out this time to grasp onto the beast's knees. Of course Shizuo didn't feel the nails that were digging just a little too hard for it to be considered a tender gesture. "I've seen the way you look at me."

"Yeah, it's called contempt. Because I fucking hate you," Shizuo growled out, and if this was some sort of fucked-up challenge or trick of the flea's, he wasn't falling for it.

"So harsh! No, don't think I haven't noticed that _other_ look...you know, the one where you're _undressing me with your eyes_."

With those words, Izaya parted the man's legs with a push of his hands, dipping his head down into his lap to place an open-mouthed kiss over his clothed crotch. The victory was short lived however, because a foot to his gut sent him careening into the wall immediately afterwords.

"Did you seriously come here and break into my apartment in the middle of the night so you could fucking _molest_ me?!" Shizuo roared at him as he stood, his body shaking in utter mortification.

Despite that not being his original intention (because putting that bottle in his pocket was totally a _precaution_ , and so _not_ a plan), Izaya reflected on the fact that that _was_ basically all he had done to the blonde since he'd first jumped into his bed earlier. Clutching at the back of his head where he felt a bruise forming from hitting the wall with a ridiculous amount of force, he groaned. _Stupid violent protozoan. Can't even appreciate it when he's being seduced._ After he brought his fingers to his face to make sure he wasn't bleeding, he shot the blonde a cocky smile from his position on the floor. This was far from over. As far as Izaya was concerned, he was just getting started.

"Well, if you say it in that tone of voice, of course it's going to _sound_ bad."

The blonde was visibly fuming now, face red with a mixture of rage and humiliation.

"That's because it _is_ bad, you miserable louse! You don't go around breaking into people's houses, and you sure as hell don't touch people while they're sleeping! What the fuck is wrong with you?!" The brute's hands clenched into hardened fists and Izaya stifled a laugh.

"So, Shizu-chan would prefer it if I asked for his permission first, then?"

"Yeah, I would, but _obviously_ that goes without saying, you fucking creep!" Izaya was sporting the most disgusting smirk Shizuo had ever had the misfortune of seeing. He clamped a hand over his mouth in horror as he realized his mistake. _Oh no. That fucking brat!_

Izaya tilted his head and raised his eyebrows as if he was surprised. "Oh? Is that so?"

"...wait. Hell no. That's not what I meant and you know it! Quit playing your stupid mind games with me!"

Izaya sighed with fake exasperation and looked to the side. "So now you don't want consent? Honestly, you see why I didn't take you seriously when you claimed you only look at me with hatred? Shizu-chan is just so flaky, even he doesn't know what he wants." He watched Shizuo carefully out of the corner of his eye, curious to see how he'd try to talk his way out of this one.

"Oh for fuck's sake-! That's not true at all, of course I know what I want, what the hell kinda rapist psycho-nonsense is that anyway?! Consent is always important and always necessary, but it fucking figures you wouldn't understand something like that!"

Really, Shizuo knew better to get caught up in an argument as precarious as this one, but he honestly was a little disturbed by the thought that maybe Izaya really _didn't_ have the moral compass to understand that what he did was wrong. The louse wasn't particular guided by any sort of guilty conscience, that he knew for sure. And it was probably his exhaustion talking (okay, it _had_ to be his exhaustion talking), but Shizuo thought maybe if he could set this right here, it could save some poor soul from being victimized by the pest at a later date. If it meant he had to stay up all night, well then. So be it.

"How _bo_ -ring! I don't need Shizu-chan to lecture me on stupid stuff like that. Maybe I should just come back another night when you're more out of it."

Izaya finally got up, brushing off his pants and moving across the floor towards his abandoned coat. Walking past the blonde, he continued talking, because Shizuo was really just such a wonderfully gullible creature.

"Ah, speaking of which, Namie-san has been telling me some really great things lately about these interesting pills called roofies...did you know you can't even taste them if someone puts it it your drink? Works for things like _cake_ and other sweets, too. Anyway, I better get going, so sorry to wake you! It won't happen next time, that I can assure you."

Really, Izaya wasn't even trying that hard right now and Shizuo was playing right into his hands, if the horrified gasp behind him was any indication.

 _You really are a stupid brute. As if I would ever violate one of my precious humans, I'm not an animal like you. Shizu-chan is a monster, and therefore is exempt to being asked properly, obviously._

"Wait!"

Izaya paused with his back still facing the blonde and broke out into a huge grin. When he turned back around, he had an inquisitive look plastered on his face.

"Yes, Shizu-chan? Is there something you wanted?"

"I..." Shizuo looked like he was contemplating something that he was probably going to regret later. He reached a hand to scratch the back of his neck anxiously, and looked to the side.

"...ask me."

"Ask you about what, Shizu-chan?"

That stupid voice lilted annoyingly and Shizuo sighed. He couldn't believe he was doing this.

"Ask me about something you'd like to...do to me, and I'll tell you if it's okay or whatever. Then you can do it, because that's what consent is about. And it's not _stupid_ , you fuck wad, it's an important thing to have communication between adults who are engaging in...uh...sexual situations." Oh god, what the fuck was he saying?

Holy _shit_ , reverse psychology _was_ real, and it was a beautiful, beautiful thing. Even Izaya wasn't expecting such an amazing, one of a kind opportunity as golden as this to ever, ever, be thrown his way. He'd almost forgotten to keep up his mask of indifference, the possibilities of what he could do now being positively endless. On top of everything, Shizuo was deeply flushed and looked more uncomfortable than he'd ever seen him look before. This was, without a doubt, the single greatest moment of Izaya's life.

"...Alright then. I'll give it a try, but if it's not all it's cracked up to be, I'm not making any promises about my future endeavors." Izaya bounded over to stand in front of Shizuo, looking up at him expectantly.

* * *

Ah, maybe Shizu-chan really should be scared. Izaya didn't think twice about drugging those suicidal girls in canon, after all.


	3. Consent is Sexy

"Ah...good. That's good. So, uh, what is it...you wanted?"

It was good Izaya was as close as he was, or he probably wouldn't have heard the barely above a whisper prompt. Oh, he _wanted_ to laugh so badly – Shizuo would have been horrible at role play!

"Hmm..." Izaya placed a finger to his chin, poised in thought. _Start simply_. "May I touch Shizu-chan?"

Shizuo really wanted to say no almost immediately, but then Izaya would never learn. It was a little more than ironic, given the circumstances of what he was trying to teach him.

"Where, exactly, do you want to, uh, touch me?" Shizuo managed to squeak out, a frightened mantra of ' _Please don't say my dick_ ' playing over and over in his head.

"...Your hand, of course. I want to hold your hand. Can I do that?" Shizuo blinked. Really? Just his hand? Relief washed over him.

"Uh...yeah. Sure, you can do that. I don't see why not."

 _You're a fool, Shizu-chan. An adorable, wonderful fool._

Smiling triumphantly, Izaya reached over and clutched the blonde's hand within his own. He laced their fingers together and brushed the pad of his thumb in soothing circles over Shizuo's palm, which was hilariously clammy. Izaya felt the tense body relax slightly, and flashed him a charming grin. Shizuo looked confused, but at least he wasn't angry. He really couldn't afford to get any broken bones at this point.

"This is actually kind of nice. There may be some merit to this consent stuff, after all. It makes me feel a little less, you know," Izaya lowered his voice to a deep, silky tone, "... _dirty_."

"Ah...yeah. That's...that's the way it should be."

And it wasn't that he _hadn't_ noticed the suggestive tone dripping around the simple syllables, but more so that Shizuo was trying to ignore it because honestly he was feeling more than a little warm.

They stood there for a moment in silence, Izaya swinging their connected arms in a steady rhythm because his skin was simply _crawling_ with ideas of things he could do or say next, and he couldn't just be still. Plus, being silent for once was bound to get Shizuo to be more agreeable in the long run.

Izaya glanced up at Shizuo timidly, trying his best to look as nervous as possible, even reaching up to twirl a bit of his hair in an anxious manner. For a bit of added effect, he let his hand tremble slightly in Shizuo's now freely sweating palm. There was a flash of emotion on his face that looked surprisingly like concern, but the expression fell away as suddenly as it had appeared. Shortly after that, Izaya cleared his throat and spoke in a meek voice.

"Ne, Shizu-chan? Um, could I maybe...do something else now?"

Shizuo meant to say, ' _How about you start by not calling me that godawful name anymore_ ' but it came out as, "Such as..?" instead.

Shizuo had the sinking feeling he was about to fall into a trap, but he couldn't help but be a little curious as to what Izaya was going to propose next. Tingling bolts of electricity extending from the informant's surprisingly warm, soft hand, he had to admit maybe a little excited, even.

This was wrong, so fucking wrong on so many levels.

"Well...I was thinking it might be nice to kiss you. If that's alright with you, of course."

 _Christ_ , he was asking so _nicely_. Shizuo still felt suspicious on some level, however, so he made sure to specify before Izaya took the opportunity and ran with it.

"Depends on where again."

Shizuo's eyes were narrowed as he spoke, but if Izaya didn't know any better, he'd have to say there was a hint of longing within those murky brown irises.

 _Oh ho, Shizu-chan is getting off on thinking he's in charge! I've got to admit, that's pretty cute._

Izaya squeezed his hand reassuringly. "Huh, I hadn't really thought about where, just that it would have been nice to in general. Let's see...how about.." He roamed his eyes up and down the blonde's form carefully, reading his body language closely. Where would be a safe place? Lips? Too bold perhaps. Chest? No, too forward for a man who spent his teenage years still changing behind closed doors, too obviously vulnerable as it was being bare chested in front of his enemy already. Ears? Too lewd. Anything that was still covered was obviously off limits. That left only...

"...Your neck! I'd like to kiss your neck, Shizu-chan. Please." Shizuo gave him a strange look.

"My neck? Really?" Izaya nodded enthusiastically. He'd been expecting lips for sure. Well good, he didn't want those dirty lips anywhere near his own anyway.

"Alright...but _don't_ get carried away."

 _Score! Shizu-chan, don't you know anything about erogenous zones, or are you just too tired to realize your mistake?_

"The thought hadn't even crossed my mind." Shizuo scoffed at him. Yeah, right.

Considering their obvious height disparities, continuing to stand was going to be more than a little awkward. Izaya stared at him for a second, not sure how to go about convincing the brute to sit on the bed before he'd even worked his magic. As if reading Izaya's mind, Shizuo chuckled at his deer-in-the-headlights look.

"Oh, right. Almost forgot about how fucking short you are." His facade cracking with slight irritation, Izaya shot him a pointed look and gave his hand a brutal squeeze, nails digging into the callused palm.

"Chill. I'll sit down, since you're being so nice for once." All he had to do was be nice, huh? Maybe this would be even easier than he'd previously thought.

Sitting on the bed and disconnecting their hands (that hand holding had gone on for way, _way_ longer than was necessary), Shizuo started to get a prickling sensation on the nape of his neck, as if maybe he'd made a grave mistake.

To be fair, he'd just agreed to let Izaya kiss his neck.

Kiss his neck. Izaya.

 _Orihara_ Izaya. His mortal enemy for the past ten years. The informant that framed him and made him lose the only job he'd ever wanted to keep. The guy who'd had gangs and violence following him at every corner, almost every day for a decade. The dude who'd just broken into his home and fucking molested him while he slept. Yeah, that Izaya.

Fuck. _That_ Izaya - !

Before he could make any sort of protest, plush lips were already pressing against his skin. Instead of moving off the second he'd gotten that kiss he had asked so sweetly for, those fucking lips had the nerve to start _sucking_ , and god damn it, he just _knew_ the pest would go ahead and do something perverse like this. He _knew_ he should have been pushing him away, should have slammed his stupid body back into that wall or maybe even chuck him out the window, but instead he found himself letting his head fall back to further expose his neck because _dear god_ , it felt _amazing_.

A slick tongue soon followed to drag up towards the juncture where his neck sloped up to his jawline sloppily, and then the parasite was alternating between nipping and gently sucking again, kneading the sensitive skin vigorously between skilled lips. A slight vibration thrummed against his pulse and he realized that it was because that fucking tick was _moaning_ as his mouth danced across his heated flesh. He was only faintly aware of his own voice letting out a soft groan when sharp teeth just barely grazed his earlobe.

Then, as quickly as it had started, he was met with the cool air of the room against his wet skin. Embarrassed to find his eyes had slipped closed, he opened them to look questioningly at the dark haired man hovering before him, his ruby eyes glinting with an unreadable expression.

"I...uh...why'd...why'd you stop?"

The words came out before Shizuo could stop them. This was officially the worst night of his life.

Izaya gave him a painfully innocent look. "Because Shizu-chan said not to get carried away. Isn't that what consent is all about? You told me not to do something, so I didn't take it any further. Didn't I do a good job listening to what you wanted?"

Chest heaving heavily, Shizuo threw him an alluring pouty look that almost had Izaya backing down to whatever this unspoken challenge was between them now. Instead he grinned wide.

"Don't look so sad~! If Shizu-chan wants more, he could just _ask_ , couldn't he?"

Shizuo glared up at him, but it was hard to take the look as intimidating when he was so flushed and panting and _fuck_ – Izaya was suddenly aware of how turned on he was from the sight. Oh yes. He could most definitely get behind Shizuo being a submissive little bitch as well.

"Why you little fucking – !"

Izaya raised his finger and waved it like he was scolding a small child. "Ah, ah, Shizu-chan. Communication is important in these situations, is it not? Just tell me what you want, and I'll do it. Simple, right? I sure thought it was."

"Alright, you bastard! You really want to go there, huh?! You really, _really_ want to go there HUH?! If you want to play more games, then FINE, let's play more games, _I-za-ya-_ kun!"

Izaya frowned at him. "I don't think it's funny to make light of something as serious as being mutually consenting adults. Sex isn't about games, right? It's about being straightforward. I'm quick to learn, after all."

Shizuo opened his mouth to retort, but then he realized Izaya could probably keep blabbering away like this all night and day if he let him. Well, he thought with a resigned sigh, it took two to tango. Shizuo didn't know why the hell he was doing this, but he was never really one to back down from a challenge, especially when it came to the flea. And even if he wanted to deny it, he decided he had enjoyed those lips enough that it'd be worth it to sacrifice a bit more of his dignity.

"...Ok, _asshole_ , could you _please_ continue where you left off?"

"Continue doing what, exactly? I'm afraid you're going to have to be more specific than that."

Oh, fuck this horrible, horrible man.

"Could you _please_ take that stupid ass mouth of yours and use it to suck on my fucking neck so you can just do us both a favor and shut the fuck up already," Shizuo growled out between gritted teeth.

"Well, that wasn't the nicest way of putting it, but I do like seeing you beg. Sure, Shizu-chan."

With that, Izaya descended again, this time planting his mouth on the side he hadn't lathered in his spit already, and got right to work sucking and nipping in a lewd manner that would have put a porn star to shame. Shizuo groaned when he felt those sharp teeth actually bite down, and if he hadn't been so insensitive to pain he may have even yelped if he had felt how much force Izaya was exerting into it.

Honestly, it was pissing Izaya off that he couldn't really cause any substantial pain to the blonde (he wasn't even leaving any marks!), so he settled on licking up slowly and carefully towards the brute's ears. He could hear the soft grunts and groans, feel the hot breaths like the most amazing symphony in his ear with every melodic sound, and that was just encouraging enough for him to take advantage of the fact that Shizuo probably wouldn't care if he wandered a little.

Moving quickly to the earlobe he had grazed earlier, he took it in his mouth fully, worrying it between his teeth and leaning in just enough so that he could lick the shell above it, earning a sharp gasp in response. Blowing a warm puff of air into his ear, Izaya followed this by moaning softly - low and drawn out - which provoked a pleasing exclamation of, "Oh, god, _fuck_."

Izaya giggled, still at his ear. "Anything else you might like to try, _Shi-zu-chan_?" he murmured, saccharine sweet.

Izaya pulled back to admire his handiwork, and damn, his night just kept getting better and better. Shizuo was practically gasping for air, hands tightly clenched on his knees and bunching up the material of those stupid pants, body trembling – the brute was either resisting the urge to strangle him or to do unspeakable things to him – he couldn't quite tell which.

"Hah...would you mind...would you mind..." Crap, he couldn't even speak properly! This was so embarrassing.

"Aww, Shizu-chan's having trouble talking! So cute, so cute~!"

Shizuo sent a murderous glare towards the tick, only to notice that it didn't seem like he was the only one affected. Despite his teasing words, Izaya's cheeks were painted a pretty pink, and...oh. _Oh_ , this was perfect. There was definitely a noticeable bulge almost at eye level with him as Izaya stood haughtily above him. The flea had a thing for humiliating him like this, that was for sure.

"...k-kissing me...on...on...my..."

Izaya quirked an eyebrow and crouched down so he was slightly level with him, straining to hear the stammering words. "On your...?" he prompted.

"...my...mouth." Yeah, mouth was good now. That way, at least the jerk couldn't say anything stupid, and at the same time he'd be able to try some things of his own.

"Oh, Shizu-chan wants to make out now, huh?"

"Y-yeah." _Sure do, asshole._

"Well, that all depends on if it's alright to touch Shizu-chan while I do...?"

"Sure...okay..." _Go ahead, you filthy pervert, but I know you like it when I act like this._

"You going to be picky about where and how, this time?"

Shizuo shook his head softly.

"Naw..." _Do your worst._

"That's what I like to hear! Now be a good boy, and keep your hands to yourself, okay?" _What!_ Shizuo felt anger like a thousand burning suns in his veins again. That totally wasn't fair! The only thing he'd been able to touch so far of Izaya's had been his sweaty little flea hand. He gulped down the urge to scream at the man.

"..'K."

* * *

Remember kids, listen to Shizuo - consent is sexy. Never follow Izaya's example, he's a selfish jerk. Always get permission before you try to measure your lover's genitalia! Stay safe.

Whoops, more cliffhangers. Keep in mind, this is one long, wild ride folks. A ride straight to hell. Dirty, filthy times are ahead, that I can guarantee you.


End file.
